Five Guaranteed Ways to Absolutely Kill the Interview and Land the Job
Matty Kerr is co-creator with John Brancaccio of The Working Experience. He is also a filmmaker and published author. Listen to our podcast on iTunes and Spotify and visit our website: theworkingexperience.com for videos, merchandise and more. You can also find us on Facebook, Linked In, Instagram, and Twitter.
Seriously, they will be BEGGING you to work for them.
- Show up late. This shows them who is in charge. You’re an important person. Your time is valuable and not to be wasted on these troglodytes. Do not ever explain why you are late or acknowledge it in any way. If they don’t like it, they can go “F” themselves.
2. Enter with a BANG! Bellow, “I’M HERE!” and slam the door shut. Slam your briefcase down on the desk, really take charge. Do these people want a man or a mouse? Or a woman or a mouse? Or a nonbinary person or a mouse? If they don’t like it, they can go “F” themselves.
3. Wear sweatpants. You need to be comfortable. Show these people that you are not about flash and pizzaz. You don’t give a good god damn what they think about how you look. If they don’t like it, they can go “F” themselves.
4. Make sure you have something to eat during the interview. I suggest a meatball sub or a plate of linguini. Or maybe a nice piece of deep fried fish. You’re a busy, on the the go person and you need to keep up your energy. And you know what? If they don’t like it, they can go “F” themselves.
5. You end the interview. Do it right in the middle of them asking you a question. They might be saying, “So, what is it about our company…” interrupt with, “Yeah, great. I think we’re done here. I’ll let you bitches know.” Take your feet down off the desk (where you placed them when the interview started because you are a boss) and walk out. You got things to do. And if they don’t like it? Say it with me…They can go “F” themselves.
I don’t hope that these suggestions help you; I know they will. I guarantee it.
Bonus Tip: Tell them, “This is me and Imma do me! And if you don’t like it, go “F” yourselves!” See how they like that.