Loneliness is Great Training for Being Alone
Matty Kerr is co-creator with John Brancaccio of The Working Experience. He is also a filmmaker and published author. Listen to our podcast on iTunes and Spotify and visit our website: theworkingexperience.com for videos, merchandise and more. You can also find us on Facebook, Linked In, Instagram, and Twitter.
Having no real friends in high school was pretty sad; it was lonely. Loneliness is hard to define but you know it when you feel it: kind of panicky at times, floating, unmoored. You have some great idea an no one to share it with.
So you share it with yourself.
Loneliness sucks but it is great training for being alone, which is not the same thing. You can be with a group of people, friends and family, and feel lonely, like you do not connect with anyone there.
You can be all alone, and feel very connected with yourself. This is how creative people feel. In order to create, we need to be alone. And we need to be good with being alone. Creatively, the best things, the most vital things, happen when we are alone.
Don’t get me wrong; loneliness hurts. I know. But it is great training. You learn that it isn’t so bad. There are worse things than being lonely, no doubt. But it is hard to tell that to a person who feels lonely. It is hard to see the value when you are right in the middle of it. But consider these…
Five Things That Are Worse Than Being Lonely
- Being in a relationship you don’t feel.
- Being bled dry by a narcissist.
3. Being with a sociopath.
4. Having no time for yourself.
5. Never being alone.
Being lonely is good training. Always going to other people for validation and comfort is a terrible habit; it makes you dependent. Loneliness builds you up. It forces you to tap into your inner resources of creativity for fulfillment.
We all have these resources; we are all born with creativity. However, few choose to use it. Why? Because that that takes effort. It is easier to scroll through your phone and look for others to fill the gap, but that never, ever works. Which is probably why the rates of anxiety and depression are sky high.
I am not discounting human connection; we all need it. Spending time with friends and family is great. However, it cannot be the end all be all.
So use your time wisely. If you put effort into developing your talents and your interests, you will never be lonely.
You will be in great company: yourself.
